Stopping
today i finally stopped. i stayed home in one place, it was great. i haven't done it for quite a while. sometimes it's hard to be just by yourself, you discover things you knew were there but didn't want to admitt.
i'm soo happy. i laugh soo much, i have GREAT friends, i love my family, and i finally feel like career-wise i'm going somewhere. i came home from school today and looked down (on my floor) and enjoyed my beautiful pink wardrobe... i got 3 new skirts in the last 2 weeks... i love skirts!! and i have food for supper, no more peanut butter sandwichs!! and i have Jesus, did I mention i love Jesus, he's my best friend!!!
so with all that said, i still sit here i feeling 90%. i know i shouldn't feel sorry for myself, i have soo much, but there's still this hole. maybe i can feel it stronger cause it's been filled once before. alas it's still there and i've tried to fill it again, but when the wind blows there it is.
the world tells me that if i'm hot enough i'll get some action and that'll do it... haha, ya... no. Christians point me to Paul and his viewing these years as a gift, i get it but.... no.
sometimes i wonder if i'll ever get to be 100%, i wanta feel that. i want to look into someone's eyes and see home and my future. i guess God puts these things there for a reason.
i know God will give us the desires he puts in us. i think it's important to identify them and know what you long for. i'm still not sure exactly of what i want, but i'm getting closer...
i'm soo happy. i laugh soo much, i have GREAT friends, i love my family, and i finally feel like career-wise i'm going somewhere. i came home from school today and looked down (on my floor) and enjoyed my beautiful pink wardrobe... i got 3 new skirts in the last 2 weeks... i love skirts!! and i have food for supper, no more peanut butter sandwichs!! and i have Jesus, did I mention i love Jesus, he's my best friend!!!
so with all that said, i still sit here i feeling 90%. i know i shouldn't feel sorry for myself, i have soo much, but there's still this hole. maybe i can feel it stronger cause it's been filled once before. alas it's still there and i've tried to fill it again, but when the wind blows there it is.
the world tells me that if i'm hot enough i'll get some action and that'll do it... haha, ya... no. Christians point me to Paul and his viewing these years as a gift, i get it but.... no.
sometimes i wonder if i'll ever get to be 100%, i wanta feel that. i want to look into someone's eyes and see home and my future. i guess God puts these things there for a reason.
i know God will give us the desires he puts in us. i think it's important to identify them and know what you long for. i'm still not sure exactly of what i want, but i'm getting closer...
posted by Cherise at 8:47 PM
2 Comments:
crappers. my computer sucks. i'll just write out my comment again. i'm totally with you on the last thoughts. mmhmm. it comes and goes, and when the wind blows... i'm glad you enjoyed your evening of nothing. i wore my new hot pink hoodie so you would be represented...jk! we had fun, though. some scariness, i'll share that personally at our "birthday bash!" on friday! see ya, chicky :)
marcia
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