purity

k, so i'm learning that sometimes i really don't get the simpliest things. like the things that you would think that i'd be smart enough to get i just don't. today i finally came to the realization that i really like nice guys. you'd think a normal person would just right away figure this out. we were talking about chivalry the other day, and i said that i didn't like it and Jason made some comment that a girl that hasn't had it wouldn't. at the time i was upset at this. then he said something about how guys should make girls feel special, which to me seemed foriegn. i don't like it when i get pampered because i don't feel like i deserve it. for my whole life i've always felt kinda "dirty" when it comes to that and not deserving of the "nice guys". then i let myself dream of what life could be like and i want it. i also figured out why purity is soo important and how i'm kinda dissapointed in myself, again a normal person would not have to do this the hard way. i hate regrets and at the time i thought that i was right, but now i know better. i think it's funny how everytime exam time comes around i realize something. last finals i decided to change my life and i have. this isn't to say that i've really been treated that badly by anyone, but you teach ppl how to treat you and what they can get away with.

also i watched the O.C. today and i love it again!! there was no gayness and the ppl that are suppose to be together are starting to get back together. they showed a pre-view for next week and it looked like a gooder