hard to say good-bye

i want to pretend it didn't happen, that she's still here and with us and i'll see her at a fire this summer and we'll laugh together, but that's not gonna happen. i know all the positive things to say to make me feel better, but really this sucks. i'm getting better, but saying good-bye is soo hard. in my head i know that everything's ok and God is in control and i will make it throu, all i want to do is scream and cry... i think they'll be some serious smoking this week. still my life keeps going, i can't hide from my exams and work. the world turns, but i just want a moment to catch my breath and cry in my corner. this is my place that "i've come to fear the most" since at any time i could burst out in tears infront of a ton of ppl, but i can't stay home. i actually spent a great amount of time with her, looking back. she's awsome and i love her!!