my alter
last week i was talking to my mom about making alters in your life to remember what God has done and so this is kinda me looking back and realizing how far i've come.
"don't you see that the charade is over and all the best desciptations and the clever cover story awards go to you" i love that line, it's from Dashboard Confessional. synonyms for charade are pretense, farce, sham, fake, travesty, imitation, stimulation, make-believe and this is how i felt my life was. i think i'm finally to the point where i'm done "playing pretend". i'm realizing that naturally truth will come out as hard as you try to cover it up. that's such a blessing in that you don't really have to worry so much about things becoming as they should be, but it's scary because then ppl will see me, the real me. i realized this year how spoiled i am, seriously i lived on a resort last year!! i thought that i wasn't attached to these things, but i really am... horribly much. i hate it, but it's true. hehe, sometimes before i go to bed just for entertainment i make different outfits to wear out, or i practice doing things with my hair.
i'm no super-Christian either. Jesus is my best friend and i love Him soo much. i know where i should be at and where others are, but i'm not even close to that. i don't read my Bible very much at all, when i'm angry i swear, i judge ppl on their looks.....(i could go on for a while). i feel like there's this view going on that if non-Christians see you mess up you loose your testimony and maybe that's true, but i don't want to pretend i'm something i'm not, ya know.
sometimes i feel like i'm such a different breed then other Christians, like the things that i struggle with i shouldn't, like i should somehow be sooo beyond that, but i'm not. my yearbook quote in grade 12 was "Jesus is watching you!" at the moment it seemed to be funny, ya don't ask me why, it's creepy. but it was how i felt, like the whole world was watching for my slip up and if it happened i'd loose everything. so this is the reason for my alter, i finally realized that that doesn't matter, Jesus has always seen me in all my mistakes and He still loves me, the only real unconditional love you can have. this has always been head knowledge, but know it's in my heart, i think that's a big difference.
yesterday i was watching Much Music and apparently one of the members from Korn become a Christian and left the band to use his talents to serve Jesus. hehe, Jake use to always talk about how great it would be if Korn turned Christian or maybe that was Metillica!! and then i heard Tim McGraw's new song, it ends with Him singing "i need you Jesus, amen". God is soo real and His work is evident.
i think this is more in response to whoever is the annonymous person that comments on my account. i know that i'm superfical and i know that ppl watch me and so they will see the real me, and so here it is.
sooo pleaz don't anyone make any comments with randomlly selected verses on how i'm the light of the world and that i shouldn't be hot or cold or crap like that, because i will flip out on you. this is me where i'm at, i'm a lot better then i use to be and i know God's not gonna keep me here. that's what makes my life exceptional, that God won't let me stay here.
"don't you see that the charade is over and all the best desciptations and the clever cover story awards go to you" i love that line, it's from Dashboard Confessional. synonyms for charade are pretense, farce, sham, fake, travesty, imitation, stimulation, make-believe and this is how i felt my life was. i think i'm finally to the point where i'm done "playing pretend". i'm realizing that naturally truth will come out as hard as you try to cover it up. that's such a blessing in that you don't really have to worry so much about things becoming as they should be, but it's scary because then ppl will see me, the real me. i realized this year how spoiled i am, seriously i lived on a resort last year!! i thought that i wasn't attached to these things, but i really am... horribly much. i hate it, but it's true. hehe, sometimes before i go to bed just for entertainment i make different outfits to wear out, or i practice doing things with my hair.
i'm no super-Christian either. Jesus is my best friend and i love Him soo much. i know where i should be at and where others are, but i'm not even close to that. i don't read my Bible very much at all, when i'm angry i swear, i judge ppl on their looks.....(i could go on for a while). i feel like there's this view going on that if non-Christians see you mess up you loose your testimony and maybe that's true, but i don't want to pretend i'm something i'm not, ya know.
sometimes i feel like i'm such a different breed then other Christians, like the things that i struggle with i shouldn't, like i should somehow be sooo beyond that, but i'm not. my yearbook quote in grade 12 was "Jesus is watching you!" at the moment it seemed to be funny, ya don't ask me why, it's creepy. but it was how i felt, like the whole world was watching for my slip up and if it happened i'd loose everything. so this is the reason for my alter, i finally realized that that doesn't matter, Jesus has always seen me in all my mistakes and He still loves me, the only real unconditional love you can have. this has always been head knowledge, but know it's in my heart, i think that's a big difference.
yesterday i was watching Much Music and apparently one of the members from Korn become a Christian and left the band to use his talents to serve Jesus. hehe, Jake use to always talk about how great it would be if Korn turned Christian or maybe that was Metillica!! and then i heard Tim McGraw's new song, it ends with Him singing "i need you Jesus, amen". God is soo real and His work is evident.
i think this is more in response to whoever is the annonymous person that comments on my account. i know that i'm superfical and i know that ppl watch me and so they will see the real me, and so here it is.
sooo pleaz don't anyone make any comments with randomlly selected verses on how i'm the light of the world and that i shouldn't be hot or cold or crap like that, because i will flip out on you. this is me where i'm at, i'm a lot better then i use to be and i know God's not gonna keep me here. that's what makes my life exceptional, that God won't let me stay here.
posted by Cherise at 4:11 PM
2 Comments:
the alter thing is a cool idea. i did a similar thing the other day. i was reading through some of my old journals from the summer and i realized how many of my prayers were answered, and i just kind of took it all for granted. it's cool sometimes to look back and see how far we've come, especially when it feels like we haven't gone anywhere.
i'm sick of people talking about "where they're at" versus where other people are "at". don't worry about that! your relationship with Jesus is about your devotion to him, your surrender to him. if that's your goal - don't compare yourself, or think you should be "somewhere" particular that you see in someone else's life. you are you.
Post a Comment
<< Home