Strange Happenings

In the last two weeks i feel like God's been yelling in my ear. You know when you have that intimate relationship with Him you just recognize his voice well i'm hearing it, but as always He tells me what it means after the fact... grrrr. so this is my frustration for the last while.

I thought i'd share some of the odd things that have been happening, sorta unrelated but odd as ever. on mon i was watching tv a mouse crawled on me... a mouse!!! since that time it has yet to be captured. it seriously has ruined my life, ok not that dramatic but i has done a great deal of damage. i sleep very much on edge; i woke up at 4am this morning and hopped out of bed because my blanket moved. It has moved into my basement and taken over, i only "sleep" down there.

you know those lame country songs that talk about only have a month to live. well at 9am this morning the only conversation i can i mustar up with my customers is telling them to have a nice day, to which this man replies "i better my doctor told me i only have 2 months left to live." with a smile and a perfectly straight face he walks out as i have to hold the tears back.

no sleep, ppl telling me they're dying, the confusion, and .... other things. there was a time when all this would just freak me out of my tree and now i laugh. i have now clue... ok maybe a little clue, but all i know is that God has some strange plans for me and it'll all work out!!

here i am once again

i've been having a lot of thoughts about a lot of different things lately so here goes.

have you ever seen somebody have everything they want, just watched them be where they want to be. no that there is nothing more they want but really realistically this is where they've always wanted to be and they've achieved it. This hit me today as i was watching my family. my brother and his whole family came over for lunch and it was quite the event. Mother Mary cooked all day saturday, quite the feast which included many vegetables from her garden. then before lunch we all played on the trampoling and went for 4-wheeler rides, Emile and I even tried to catch a kitten on the yard!! :) I'm try to convince my dad to get a kitty, every two year old girl needs a kitty!!! ok so i really just want one!! it was so crazy cause it just hit me how perfectly "full house" my family is. there's little issues and things that are wrong but in the end we're all doing things we love. my brother and his whife are such family ppl, he's always been all about kids. my sister is completely and fully in love with her man and he's just perfect for her. and me well i get to be in school!!!! i really do love school

I just find it so amazing how even thou some things are crappy, the big picture turns out cause God is in control!!!

I'm pretty pumped cause i'm actually finally figuring out what i want!!

Hotel Bergen Closed for the Season

so offically i'm retiring as a hostess/tour guide... for now. I got hick-ups at work and i had to focus all my attention on not throwing up, it's been a long day.

i never realized how much i love Manitoba. seriously when you throw caution to the wind and actually vacation, travel around and spend money it's great!! I went to see two movies, both at expensive theators, out for supper and went to grand beach. The beach, good friends and family what else do you need!! i know lately my journal entries have been kinda depressing but really i do love my life. a little stressed at the moment but it'll be ok.

i just got off the phone with my cousin who's 5 years older then me. we talked for at least half an hour about our lives, which you think would be so different... apparently not. and i decided that i'm gonna go to my aunt's birthday party because i actually think it'll be fun :0

i'm not sure where to start with all the funny stories so i'll leave for now and catch you up in person!

I Stand Alone

i stand alone
When ppl nearest to me do not believe in me
when my feelings are all my own
i stand alone

someone has to be strong,
someone must carry on
so i stand alone

in the end those who are the closest turn their backs on you
they do not see you're dreams
they try to tear you down
so you stand alone

i will go on
i will not stumble, i will not fall
in my weakest, He is strongest
So though all alone, together we'll stand alone

This is His calling, this is His dream
and to follow i must stand alone

When you can't fake it hard enough to please

above all the things in the world i hate being sad, i really do i want to be anything else in the world. i try to positive as much as possible but sometimes i just can't do it... i hate those days. When you don't have the energy to cover it up anymore and everyone knows. The women at work thought i was sick today, i guess i probably am. i'm stressed and sad and happy all at the same time. sometimes i feel like i take on other people's emotions, i dont' think empathy's worth anything unless you're there feeling it with them.

These are those moments when you miss having that one person there to hold you when you cry and share how you feel with. when he doesn't say anything but just gives you that look like it's ok and he cares about you. i know as a good Christian girl i'm suppose to say that God will fill that, but i can't lie it's not the same.

i feel like i'm floating around this world and i'm not sure what to do, or if i'm in the right spot. i make decisions and i'm not sure if it's right. i'm not sure whatz inside my heart and whatz from God or whatz from me. who's dreams am i chasing?

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Disgusted

this is my vent, because i don't have time to run and shower and get to DVBS so i figured i'd give this a try. i'm really mad, not at God, or me, but at the world... ok and at men. i don't understand how bad things can be.

so i've accomplished my goal i can recognize the smell of pot however i realized this at the drive-in the other night. when i went to the bathroom there were a huge group of KIDS, ok teenagers smoking. it makes me so mad, there can be so much better.

some other things have been happening that i have no control over. sometimes i wonder what happened to things like itegraty and respect, where are they in this world??? what is left of us without integraty!!

if adults can not accomplish this, then what hope is there for the children. Christ is our only hope because without him in my life i'm no different, He's the one that makes the changes.

when i see Christ and then i see the world all i feel is disgust.