someone better

do you ever want to transform yourself? become something else, someone better? of course i know the sunday school answer that we are just who we are and God made us that way, but really c'mon. I know my faults, i see them, we all see them and i know who i should be, what i should be doing.

yesterday i went to visit my grandparents and i found myself wanting to leave right after lunch so i could go home and work because that's my natural habit. i caught myself and realized that this was my grandma and i could take an hour to play a game of cards!! This attitude scares me as my course load isn't even that great compared to last year. i just want to tie myself up and not get into school to maintian this attitude of not caring and live life as if a "normal" person would, but it's impossible. cause here i go i'm diving in i'm going deep in over my head i'm going to be!!